THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
The Norwegian Nobel Committee was convened this morning in an extraordinary emergency session at the request of the Prime Minister, Jonas Gahr Støre, who asked members to resolve, within the hour, a matter of some delicacy in Norwegian-US relations arising from the 2025 Peace Prize.
The difficulty, Committee sources confirmed, stems from the decision by the previous laureate — Venezuelan democracy advocate María Corina Machado — to present her medal, diploma, and accompanying documentation, all enclosed in a beautiful gold frame, to President Donald J. Trump during her recent visit to the Oval Office to meet with her hero. President Trump has since declined to return the items, citing, according to a White House official, “finder’s keeper’s, which is actually a very strong legal doctrine, maybe the strongest.”
The Committee, acknowledging that pursuit of the medal through diplomatic channels has thus far proved unsuccessful, voted unanimously to adopt what the Chair described as “a creative and forward-looking solution.”
Effective immediately, the Committee announced that the 2026 Nobel Peace Prize will be re-presented from Machado and awarded instead jointly to President Trump and to the newly installed leadership of Venezuela and Iran, in recognition of their shared commitment to advancing American democratic values in regions where such values were previously considered optional.
“We considered this carefully for nearly forty minutes,” the Chair told reporters. “The symmetry is really quite elegant, and the Committee was able to coalesce around the solution with hardly a raised voice.”
The Committee also addressed the question of venue. Oslo’s City Hall, the traditional site of the award ceremony, has been deemed logistically unsuitable given the travel schedules and the highly dubious legal status of travel for several prospective attendees. After a brief discussion, the Committee accepted an offer from the White House to host the ceremony in the newly completed East Wing Ballroom — a facility described in a White House statement as “ahead of schedule, under budget, and frankly the most beautiful ballroom in the history of international peace, possibly ever.”
The White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt confirmed that all ceremony attendees will receive complimentary gold Sharpie signature pens, engraved with the legend Peace Through Strength — And Also Winning.
The Norwegian Ambassador to the United States, Anniken Huitfeldt, when asked if her Embassy was up to all the coordination that will be required, replied, “ Of course. No worries, frankly, I’m amazed that Jonas got the Nobel Committee to agree to anything, let alone in an hour - it’s like herding cats!”
Ariadne, Icarus, and our philosopher friends from the Agora wish our readers a happy April 1st
hahaha you ALMOST got me!